10 Years revisited

Ten years ago today, February 24th, I walked down the aisle and swore vows before God and family to love, honor, and cherish the woman who became my wife.  I was really looking forward to today for the past 10 years.  The tenth anniversary is, in my mind, the first of three significant anniversaries; the others being 20 and 50.  Having a previous failed marriage made this milestone seem even more significant.  Having our marriage survive  a couple of rocky periods including two separations made it even more so.  I felt that if we made it to the ten year mark, we would be golden heading into the 20.  When my wife left me–for the third time–without a word in April, I knew we would not make this anniversary milestone.

I have healed since our divorce.  I no longer indulge the pain I initially let drive me into depressive funks.  I no longer allow myself to indulge “what if” fantasies of reconciliation.  I no longer deny the reality that our marriage is over and life goes on.  I am making my own plans now as a single man and I am ok with that.

But I did not feel I could allow this day to pass without taking a moment to commemorate what would have been our tenth anniversary, if for no other reason than I had built it up so much in my mind.

So, to my ex-wife.  Happy would-have-been 10th.